Wednesday, March 24, 2010

This was so hard to write and will be the last I say on this subject for now.

After my last post I received an email from a mom who saw her son in mine.  Parents of children like this tend to gravitate towards and cling... even momentarily to one another because the feeling of relief that comes from knowing you will not be judged is nearly overwhelming.  We speak the same language... one of understanding and not advice.

People like this blog because it is "real".  This might be a bit too "real" but facing cancer is easier than the uncertainty of what to do to help Marc.  Everything might turn out just fine but I've come to some realizations lately that have driven me to seek outside help once again.  Let me be clear and say that Marc is not violent.  He does not hurt other kids, his sister or our pets.  He just has no judgment, virtually no self-control and very little empathy.  He's always been tough, I just thought as he matured, certain things, like being able to trust him for short periods of time, would happen.  That has not happened and I now have a nearly 9 year old boy who most times needs near constant supervision.  That feels overwhelming.  His issues go beyond this but I love him and .... this just isn't the forum to catalog our struggles.

  • With cancer everyone rallies around you and gives your child gifts.
  • With behavior problems people shun you.

  • With cancer people say things like, "I don't know how you do it.  You are so strong.  I don't know how I would face it."
  • With behavior problems people say things like, "Well, I just don't allow that sort of thing in my house (as if "allowing" it is the problem)."  And, "Well have you tried this thing (that of COURSE we have tried because we've tried just about everything) because that's what we did and our child never did it again (which is truly laughable in Marc's case)."

  • With cancer people pray for you.
  • With behavior problems people judge you.

I'm not saying cancer is a walk in the park but the support is unlike anything I would have imagined.  That is HUGE.  Sometimes I feel so alone with parenting my son.  So when I meet someone who struggles like I do, we cling.

Janine, I get you.  I get your fear and your frustration.  Hugs and prayers.


  1. Hugs to you. I don't know why parents judge each other so much about so many things. I know I was judgmental as a young mother but I have known for a long, long time now that we are all just doing the best we can and that no one has the answers, because there aren't any. I don't know how people cling to feeling superior in the face of the realities of day to day child-rearing. We should all support each other.

  2. I do find as I get older and encounter parents with older children the judgment isn't near what it was like when Marc was a pre-schooler. Even some people who used to feel "superior" have since mellowed as they see me raise my daughter the same way and how they are so different.

    And I must say that I have a wonderful friend in Amanda, who does not have a child like Marc but never offers advice unless I ask and has never made me feel like I'm not doing it right. I actually feel pretty supported right now.

    It just strikes me, when I meet someone who can very much relate, or get an email like the one I got how much it means to me to know I'm not ALONE. Meeting others who struggle reassures me that I'm not a bad mom more than anything else.

  3. We love you and we love Marc. That's all.

  4. Even though Marc will tell you I hate him. We love him and all of you. I can't imagine what it takes to make it through...I'll be praying...don't know what else to do.

  5. Hey friend! Sorry I haven't been around the blog world lately!
    I too love you, pray for y'all, and KNOW what an amazing mom you are. Always have been, always will be. :0)

    love ya!