There was a really wonderfully magical time between returning from Houston and before I returned to work where I got to be a stay-at-home mom again. I was pretty shocked to discover that not only did I love it but I really, really miss it and wow! I'm actually pretty good at it. My house was spotless folks. I mean, ceiling fans clean, light fixtures washed, laundry room mopped clean. It was exhilarating in a way that could only suggest I must be getting old or am developing a latent case of OCD. But my kids were better behaved, I was enjoying them more. I just started to feel in control of my household duties for the first time in over two years.
So it was with no small amount of dread that I had to go back to work. And you know, I like my job and I like the people I work with. It's just that I don't want to be in the position I am today. Today I am sitting in a house that needs cleaning in a bad way because we are having Bible study here tonight. I could have come home each day from my job and spent more time cleaning (because I spent some time everyday) and I could have worked for a couple more hours than I did yesterday but I didn't do those things and now today I must pay the piper, suck it up and clean.
Yesterday Rachael ran a high fever all day long and today the fever is gone but she's puking. It's interferon, I'm quite certain but if was a SAHM again I would be focusing solely on laying on the couch with her and reading books or watching mindless t.v. because all of the house stuff would be done.
I fully get that I am a little lazy. Other women don't spend time on their computer or watch t.v. or movies at night. They cannot relax when the carpets need to be vacuumed. For me, the messier it is, the more I shut down and when I can hold it together I get way more energy. I'm not proud of the fact that I don't juggle working and maintaining a clean, well-oiled house well.
Alright. Enough procrastinating. I'm going to put on some loud music and get to work.
2 days ago