Saturday, January 30, 2010

This might be normal but I don't like it.

I don't know what to do about Marc.  I just struggle so much with him and as he gets older I know less and less how to help him.  I don't know if he is just a normal 8-year old boy or if there is really a problem.  He doesn't listen at all.  He has an excuse ready at all times.  He is impatient and his anger gets out of control to the point where I keep Rachael away from him at times.  It's not that I think he will inflict real harm on her, it's just that he might throw something in anger or just be too rough.  His anger is fierce and irrational and quick.

He tells us all the time that he no one loves him and everyone is against him.  Honestly, it feels manipulative.  I'm just having a harder time caring that his feelings might be hurt and just wanting him to to take a little responsibility for his actions, listen more often and calm down.

Tonight the stress of it spilled into my evening with Tom and it spurred an argument at first which is incredibly rare for us, and then a heartfelt talk.  And I cried and cried and couldn't stop the stupid crying, also rare, and as a matter of fact I'm still sitting here crying two hours after he has gone to bed.

And I can't even tell you why and no mother, I am not about to get my period.

Sigh.  There are some things I guess I can't really blog about.  There are peaks and valleys in a marriage and I guess we're going through a valley.  I expect it to get better it's just for the first time, I don't know what it's going to take.

Have you ever gone through a valley without a map?  How did you navigate out?


  1. Oh sweetie..valleys...I have indeed seen some. I encourage you though to go back and read your posts about your relationship with Tom. Remind yourself again and again how wonderful your marriage is. Then remind yourself how wonderful your relationship with Him is. Both of those will get you through this and both will probably come out stronger because of it.
    Your situation with Marc is tough...Does your Mommy gut tell you that he IS a normal 8 year old boy with some behavior things to work through or does it tell you something different? I know that you have gone down this road of thought many times over the past 5 years.... what is your heart telling you?
    I pray and pray that He will give you the answers you need. The answers, the comfort, the confidence.
    You're an amazing woman, wife, and mom. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this and I wish I could hang out with you tonight and give you a huge hug throughout or conversations. :0)
    i love ya!

  2. I will say prayers for you. Marriage is hard, and having other stresses makes it even more difficult. You have focused so much on Rachael's treatment and recovery, which you had to and wanted to do. Hang in there and take the time you need. You have been through a lot over the last several months and those experiences have molded and shaped you, and they have undoubtedly changed you too. Keep talking and having those heartfelt chats, keep the communication going and remember why you love each other. Surround yourself with those memories and I pray that they will sustain you through this valley.
    Take care.

  3. Danielle,
    First, my heart goes out to you with all that you have been going through. It's not at all surprising that the family is feeling the tensions from the stressors in your lives.

    Yes, we have gone through our peaks and valleys in our marriage as well...some of those valleys being pretty tough, as you know. How did we get through them? Wow...that could take a book to explain. Are you interested in having lunch together? I would love to spend some time with you.

    In the meantime, I would venture to say that your little 8 year old is "acting out" due to needing some individual attention. He may be feeling the stresses of what's been going on with his sister and perhaps feeling "left out" or not as important. Could that be a possibility? I have to admit that this is the first time I've been on for a while, so you might take what I'm saying with a "grain of salt". I'm just remembering from my own experiences being raised in a family with a special needs brother and how that impacted everyone else.
    You are an amazing woman, wife, and mother and this is one of those valleys that God is using in your life to chisel out some of those edges with the purpose of 'fine-tuning' you more into Christ's image. Those valleys hurt, but are well worth it when we come out of them learning more about ourselves and even more important...learning more about who God is in our lives.

    I will be praying for you everyday and want to encourage you to remember to focus on His Truth and what that means in your life.

    Please call me if you want to get together...
    946-8848. Take care <3